Third Interview

We, he (my good friend), his wife (my good friend too) and I, were waiting for the storeowner to pack goods my couple-friends had selected outside a grocery store. I had somehow fallen oblivious (was not abnormal at all, my attention span is short that I always fall oblivious) in between listening to other customers exchanging words with the storeowner and my couple-friends grocery-talk. Suddenly he turned to me and said 'what kind of man is this guy?!!!'. I snapped out of my oblivousness and turned to look at a man walking towards us trailed by a woman who was holding a baby with her right hand and a grocery bag with her left hand. A physically healthy looking man with nothing in hands walking so fast forcing a woman (apparently his wife) with one precious life in one hand and whatever load in the other trudging in keeping pace with him was a degradation-to-man-dignity scene to me...that man was definitely mentally sick.

That is my introduction of my third interviewee who is also the first manfriend I chose for my interview. He and his wife have been my good friends for many years. The truth is I was kind of losing words in trying to describe him. I always believe only two women know a man better than any other he comes across in his lifetime. The two women are the mother and wife, which makes me an unqualified judge of character for any man. But the above story (true story) is not my only encounter of him showing his concerns of women - their safety, their need for protection, their tender heart, their fragile nature, their sensitivity - and he has not only shown his concerns with words but with actions as well.

All I could say is his mother and wife are blessed to have him.(side note: I also believe a good man is for a good mother and a good wife!)

Here is his first part of the interview...

Part 1

1. Question: Let us know a bit of your background…
   
   
   • name (you can be anonymous)
   
   Answer: anonymous
   
   
   • city of origin
   
   Answer: Kuala Terengganu
   
   
   • age
   
   Answer: 43
   
   
   • marital status
   
   Answer: married
   
   
   • occupation
   
   Answer: engineer
   
   
   • parents occupations
   
   Answer: farmers
   
   
   • the number of siblings you have
   
   Answer: 5
   
   
   • age of your siblings
   
   Answer: 60, 55, 49, 43, 34
   
   
   • age of your spouse
   
   Answer: 43
   
   
   • occupation of your spouse
   
   Answer: homemaker (since 8 years ago – she was an engineer prior to that)
   
   
   • the number of children you have
   
   Answer: 3
   
   
   • ages of your children
   
   Answer: 15, 14, 8
   
   
   
2. Question:Which school, primary and secondary, did you go to?


Answer:

• Primary - Sekolah Kebangsaan Bukit Payong, Kuala Terengganu
• Secondary – Sekolah Menengah Sultan Sulaiman, Kuala Terengganu



3. Question: How do you describe, being a student, in these schools, in terms of orientation – academic, social, religious and moral?


Answer:


• Academically - all exam-oriented, they taught me to study, memorize to pass exams.


• Socially – I was kind of reserved. Lacked self confidence feeling inadequate in every way as my mind was constantly preoccupied with the fact that i came from a poor family.


• Religiously/morally – when i was small i always followed what my parents taught me to do (frankly, i was indeed a good son then, obedient to my parents, and always respected the elderly). I completed reading the Quran at the age of ten and started praying seriously at the age of six. I have tried my level best and succeeded to a certain extent practicing these religious and moral values during my school days.



4. Question: How do you describe your achievement - social, academic, religious and moral, which you believe you had gained for being;
   
   • in school more than being at home, and
   • at home more than being in school?

Answer: I attributed my achievement to my being at home more than being in school (my answer to Question 3 tells). I thank Allah for directing my parents to nurture me with strong religious/moral values during my childhood – which was at home. I later on behaved well at school carrying the strong foundation of moral values such as to have respect for teachers and the elderly, to be neat and clean, to be considerate to friends and others,etc.
In conclusion my achievement in school were academic, social and religious (during my time in boarding school) and at home were religious and moral.


5. Question:How do you describe the role of your parents in your upbringing?


Answer: My parents had momentous role in my upbringing. Everything starts from home. One would carry the habit he or she has developed at home to the surrounding, no matter where he or she lands. Yes, my parents were 95% responsible for my upbringing while other surrounding factors such as school have 5% impact...(worth referring to my answers to question 2, 3, and 4).


6. Question:What are the things about school,from your school years to now, that you think:



1. have improved,

Answer: infrastructure, new/modern building, good labs, teachers to students ratio (now has gotten smaller with more teachers)


2. have not improved, and

Answer: classroom set-up, furniture, toilet cleanliness/general conditions


3. have gotten worse?

Answer: Education quality, grading mechanism (in general), moral values (of students and teachers alike), teachers' devotion, students' discipline....what else?


7. Question:How do you describe yourself;



1. before you met your wife,

Answer: reserved , timid, anti-social, and when girls were involved had low self-esteem.


2. while you were courting (if you were),

Answer: not so much different, maybe more confident and open to share ideas with girls (in general)


3. while you were engaged (if you were),

Answer: was worried –how i would perform my responsibilties as a head of a family to-be. I was doubtful whether my in-laws would accept me as I was ( a ‘kampung’ boy from a poor family, etc) and was uncertain whether my parents would get along with my in-laws with so many barriers in between (language, status, etc....)


4. first five years of marriage, and

Answer: it was very challenging – financially – as we were building the family basic needs from scratch. Housing, food, cars, kids need, etc...


5. from then (d) to now?

Answer: Wiser and more secure, stronger husband-wife relationship, better understanding and more appreciative of each other through ‘family-first’ attitude and parents/parents-in law sensitivity approach.


8. Question:What are the things you wish you had known and you think would have made your life easier knowing ahead than to discover them later?


Answer:

• People (the ones whom I put my trust in) who were two-faced and took advantage of my good-will attitude and trusting nature.



• Business environment which is full of corruption, bad practices, etc. Had I known, I would have not ventured into business. I did try to change the system but could not, was not accepted and eventually could not survive.


9. Question:How much have your siblings helped you in making important decisions in your life? Please elaborate.


Answer: My siblings have no influence over my making important decision in my life, e.g. getting married, choosing my spouse, quitting good jobs, etc – all i chose and decided myself without consulting them.


10. Question:How much have your friends helped you in making important decisions in your life? Please elaborate.


Answer: My friends have nothing to do with my making important decision in my life. It has always been my choices through my ‘istikharah’ with Allah (supplication asking for guidance from Allah).’