in the office some one month back, one of my colleagues confessed:
'thuraya, just now you asked me about the check-up...i lied to you when i answered. i didn't feel good lying to you and after praying the 'dhuha prayer' i knew i must tell you that i had lied!. i am sorry'
he then detailed me about his illness, the follow-up check-up and his options of treatment as had been explained by the specialist treating him. in summary, his bone marrow is no longer capable of producing blood cells and he either goes for bone marrow transplant or for the rest of his life frequents blood bank for blood transfusion. the later option may lead to leukimia or the sorts. i am not sure how bone marrow could suddenly stop functioning. if i recalled correctly, he had been given some 6 pints of blood since he first got hospitalized for being lethargic and experiencing short of breath about three weeks before. the irony is this guy had been without failure donating his blood twice a year for more than 10 years before he was involved in a road accident which long term effects include not being able to donate blood. and after some years not donating he is in needs of blood.
and within one or two weeks after i heard this confession, bone marrow transplant suddenly became the most significant medical term to me...
some one month back my best friend's eight-year old daughter had been hospitalized. i knew she had been on fungal-infections-of-the-mouth treatment since she was born that when told she was in the hospital i did not ask any further detail though was a bit concerned about the four-or-more-month period of treatment . about two weeks back i was confused when my best friend told me that she was undergoing bone marrow transfer treatment. i could not make out what bone marrow transfer has got to do with fungal-infections-of-the-mouth. i further did some browsing on the internet ... was enlightened of the could-be reason ... and learned another hard fact ... the treatment may involve chemotheraphy and radiotheraphy ... 'chemo' and 'radio' are cruel theraphies and the thought of an eight-year-old going through them just hurts me badly...
i have a weak heart. i block out many parts of my past; schools, exams, socializing pains, emotional inadequacy, separation, hospital, oncology, chemotheraphy, radiotheraphy - and God knows what else. my defense mechanism against difficult-to-accept reality of life is block-it-out...and through the difficult-to-accept reality of life again, i learn my defense mechanism is as weak as my weak heart...i love my best friend and whatever hurts my best friend hurts me...i cannot simply block it out...
only Allah has the means. only Allah has the means. only Allah has the means.
